Today I am sat here writing to you with the sound of rain outside. It sounds lovely, there is no other sound other than my tap tap tapping on my keyboard but it doesn't muffle the sound of the rain. It's been awhile since we had any decent rain, an odd bit of drizzle here and there but nothing to soak the ground. The flowers and trees in the garden are soaking it up so by tomorrow they will all get a growth spurt.
The blossom is still holding onto the trees, though I'm not sure how my recently opened tulips are going to fare but whatever happens happens.
Recently I have been thinking about my past, not in the way that I would usually, which would include holding on to things that cannot be changed, dwelling on one thing or another. I know that this is all pointless and a waste of energy but it's been a hard habit to break. But I do see that all of those things happened for a reason, all of those things were a life lesson to me, but if I keep hold of those memories so tightly, then what was the point of them?
I am not a victim, and I am not a survivor...I am a thriver, I am someone who learns and then moves on. This is something that I am trying to drum into my head, every time my mind wanders back, toying with those 'what ifs' and 'whys' and all that jazz. I am getting better at it but it's taken a long time. But I.am.moving.forward.
I have such an blessing coming in my life, a new chance, a new beginning and new lessons to learn, new experiences to have. A new joy in the energy of a new baby in the family, a grandson. A new title 'Nan'...how awesome is that?!
I cannot carry on dwelling on all those bad things, I can't hold on to the guilt that I hold for things that happened that weren't in my control. I must learn from them and move on to the next chapter, yes there will be slips but I feel more positive about it all now. I have learnt so much and I have grown as a person and I have grown spiritually.
It is a pretty scary thought leaving everything I have held onto for so long, it has been part of me for such a long time but I must admit the thought of moving on without it all is empowering.
My spirit babies and grandbabies will be with me always and I know they will be born into new beings to re-enter this world, to love, be loved and to make a difference. Everything else I let go.
I won't beat myself up when I have lapses, I will except it, embrace it and release it all to the wind.
I step forward...and dance!
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