Today is a shitty day, actually it's a lovely day, fairly warm apart from the breeze but the sun is shining and the clouds pass quickly. This morning we went to the carboot down the road which wasn't as good as it usually was, but I still managed to get a couple of outfits for my soon to be grandbaby boy.
The garden is beginning to look beautiful with all the lovely flowers that are coming out and everything is leafing and the birds are singing...so why is this a shitty day I hear you ask? Well I'm not feeling cheery today and I'm not overly sure why, actually I know partly why but it's kinda stupid. I found out yesterday that someone unfriended me on fb. This in itself didn't bother me but the reasons that may be behind it do. I don't like upsetting people and I like to be liked, but as far as I know there hadn't been an issue with this particular person, in fact I thought we were getting on alright but there again I haven't really had much of a fb presence lately due to the whole feeling poorly thing and maybe I'm still not 100% and that's why it's getting to me but I somehow don't think so.
I live in a small village here and I have people I talk to in passing and I talk to the neighbours over the fence and out the front but I can't say that we're best buddies or anything, not even good friends, mainly aquaintances really. I also have family members such as my ex sister in law, my cousins wife, my two cousins from NZ. The first two I do have physical contact with every so often but they are busy people and even though I love them to bits, we don't have a bunch of stuff in common. I don't have anyone near me who really understands my spiritual side that I can talk to about, other than my two cousins...did I mention they live in NZ??
I have a few good friends online but I feel really lonely, and it's getting to me. I had loads of people I called friends before I split with my ex but he did such a good job on them that they all believed him and not me and the kids, except his best mate who later realised I was being the honest one.
That was back in 2001 and I havent gather any real world, flesh and blood here with me now friends.
It's not like I want to be in their pockets all the time or anything but just a get together once in awhile where we can set the world to rights and where I can be open about my beliefs and they about theirs. It sucks majorly when my aging mother has a much better social life than I do! Even my dad does FFS!
I don't know what I'm doing wrong here, am I damaged goods? Am I putting up a barrier to stop myself from getting hurt again? I don't think that I am. A few years ago I had a msn group that was island based and got to know a couple of local people but damnit they were weird! And that's not just me saying so either lol.
I dunno what's happening but right now it's getting to me. I will get over it, I always do but right now I am wallowing...wallow wallow feckin wallow
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