If you stumble make it part of the dance...

Good morning everyone!
   Today I am sat here writing to you with the sound of rain outside. It sounds lovely, there is no other sound other than my tap tap tapping on my keyboard but it doesn't muffle the sound of the rain. It's been awhile since we had any decent rain, an odd bit of drizzle here and there but nothing to soak the ground. The flowers and trees in the garden are soaking it up so by tomorrow they will all get a growth spurt.
 The blossom is still holding onto the trees, though I'm not sure how my recently opened tulips are going to fare but whatever happens happens.

Recently I have been thinking about my past, not in the way that I would usually, which would include holding on to things that cannot be changed, dwelling on one thing or another. I know that this is all pointless and a waste of energy but it's been a hard habit to break. But I do see that all of those things happened for a reason, all of those things were a life lesson to me, but if I keep hold of those memories so tightly, then what was the point of them?
 I am not a victim, and I am not a survivor...I am a thriver, I am someone who learns and then moves on. This is something that I am trying to drum into my head, every time my mind wanders back, toying with those 'what ifs' and 'whys' and all that jazz. I am getting better at it but it's taken a long time. But I.am.moving.forward.

 I have such an blessing coming in my life, a new chance, a new beginning and new lessons to learn, new experiences to have. A new joy in the energy of a new baby in the family, a grandson. A new title 'Nan'...how awesome is that?!
 I cannot carry on dwelling on all those bad things, I can't hold on to the guilt that I hold for things that happened that weren't in my control. I must learn from them and move on to the next chapter, yes there will be slips but I feel more positive about it all now. I have learnt so much and I have grown as a person and I have grown spiritually.
 It is a pretty scary thought leaving everything I have held onto for so long, it has been part of me for such a long time but I must admit the thought of moving on without it all is empowering.
 My spirit babies and grandbabies will be with me always and I know they will be born into new beings to re-enter this world, to love, be loved and to make a difference. Everything else I let go.
 I won't beat myself up when I have lapses, I will except it, embrace it and release it all to the wind.
 I step forward...and dance!

Overwhelming need to clear some shit!

Wow today has been a completely overwhelming experience and we're not even half way through it yet! I'm not sure why this has come on right now but it hasn't been fun at all! There are times when I just need quiet and to be a lone in my garden or out in the countryside but I couldn't even get that today. The tv went off after watching Poldark that I had recorded and I put the radio on, went out in the garden with the dogs who were in a really boistrous mood today and won't lay down in the sun like they would usually. Then someone was banging, tinkering with their car over in the back lane and someone else began to mow their law, even the chickens next door were being extra noisy today. I was brought a herb tea and had hoped the noise would stop but alas no! Then having to tell someone that things only ever get done tomorrow, or next week or next month when it could quite easily happen right now as there is nothing else for them to be doing and maybe then the whatever would actually get done for once!

 Dogs up again being idiots...mower still going... banging still going...and excuses keep coming to I had a 'I want to be alone' moment and came back inside with my tea and shut the patio window. The radio too had to be turned off because it was grating on my every nerve...There are times, many times when I am not an easy person to live with. I know that and I make no excuses, I actually go so far as to claim that and take responsibility for it. I do have ultra sensitive senses, which can be really hard to deal with, put that with picking up peoples emotions and moods and everything else and yes I can be a bitch! But it's ok to be a bitch once in awhile, I mean I don't often fly off the handle like today but it does happen.
  I will calm down, I am calming down. I wanted to write, needed to write. It's been a couple of days as it's been busy around here, having my kids around, being in the garden and all that jazz. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't written for a couple of days that has me so edgy?...no, I'm not going to do that, I'm not going to make excuses for me being like this. It is part of who I am and I can't bottle it all up as I would eventually explode, venting is much needed once in awhile for everyones sake! lol

 Anyway, my breathing is slowing and I do feel a bit more calmer. I guess it's been brewing for a few days, overwhelming news, people posting about negative things on their facebook when all you want to do is escape all that crap for a short while...we see enough on the tv and hear it on the news without having to face it on facebook as well. If people want to read about that stuff then there is plenty of websites, newspapers, tv stations where they can do just that. When you're an empath, it's hard to get it all out of your head once you have seen it, even the smallest bit has me feeling like Im being bogged down in it all. We don't ever seem to get positive things on media much anymore, once in awhile maybe but not often. I remember when I was younger and here in the UK we had a news reader called Trevor McDonald who always ended the news program with a section called "And finally" where we would get some happy, funny, lovely piece of news to show us there is light out there, there is humanity, love and kindness in this world and not everything is lost. We don't get that any more and instead I think we are left at the end of the news in shock over what has been witnessed via words and pictures.

 We need some more good news, we need to know there is hope and I think many people have lost that hope. More and more people are being put on antidepressants or a bunch of other drugs to numb the pain of every day living.
  We don't even have much of a community now, not like we used to have. It's a bit better where I live in the countryside but people in towns and cities tend to be fairly transient, rentals are short term, people move on so no community is built. Where I live it's more the local houses get sold as second homes. The cottage out the back of where I live is a holiday home, the people who own it are only there for a day here and a day there, at max 5 days a year...5 days a years?! That is so wrong in so many ways. Local young families are priced out of the villages where they grew up because properties are going to rich people to have second homes, the community is suffering because how can you have a thriving community when half the village houses are empty a large chunk of the year. Again luckily it's not quite that bad here...yet and I hope it never will be but other places have become near ghost towns out of season.
  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it feels good to write all this out of my head, it only festers and makes life hard if I keep it all inside.
 The mower is still going, the banging has stopped and the dogs are mostly calmer now but the garden will have to wait until later when that damn mower has stopped!
 Peace out!
xx

"Would you like a Big Issue?...Have a nice day my dear!"

Today whilst waiting to get into get my eyes checked I was put in the upstairs waiting room at Specsavers. It is positioned in the High Street of our main town of Newport and being a country girl who avoids going into town as much as possible, I found myself people watching. Other than seeing my first ex (15 years my elder) which was a really odd experience and re-enforced the need for glasses in the first place, my eyes were drawn to a older woman selling the Big Issue. She was stood outside of a shop and was asking each person who went by whether they wanted to buy one. The first thing I noticed is the vast amount of rude and ignorant people out there. So many went past her and never acknowledged her when she spoke to them. Even when she said good day or have a good day she was mostly ignored.
 I found that women in their 50-70's were more likely to smile and speak to her, some went in for a chat with the seller. Most people younger than that and most men ignored her completely. There were exceptions to that though including the two 14-15 year old sisters who begged their parents for money to buy a copy. It brought a smile to my face.
 What does it cost and take to be polite? To exchange a smile or a hello, is it too much to ask to treat her like a human being? Is it so bad that you can't possibly show her that she does indeed exist in yours and everyone elses eyes?
 This woman is out there like other sellers for hours on end. She had been stood on her feet in the blazing sun selling these magazines so she can survive. It must be soul destroying doing that day in day out and even more so when you are treated like you aren't even there. And the whole time she was polite and smiley
 I watched her for quite awhile and she must've sold about 5 issues of the magazine, she never once sat down, it was exhausting just watching her.

I am the kind of person who struggles with cities, we don't have much obvious homelessness here on the island but we are beginning to see it more and more. When I go to London on those rare occasions to visit the museums Im not one of those people who can walk past the homeless and not notice them, if they speak to me I speak back and I am always polite to them and smile at them. It doesn't cost me anything but it can make a difference to those on the recieving end.
 I cannot imagine my kids ever walking past people and ignoring them, but I see others doing it all the time and it's heartbreaking to see.
Please make an effort, I don't always have money but it doesn't mean I can't acknowledge them. If I had the spare cash then I would buy an issue if they were selling, if I had the spare cash I would buy them a cuppa and a sandwich. We never know, one day that could be us and we wouldn't want to be treated the same way as I have witnessed. Make a difference, show them they exist and they matter.

Labels and Spirituality

Brighstone Churchyard- Photo by Me-Lisa

Ahhhhh labels! How I dislike them!
 I have never really been a label person in any part of my life but especially not in my spiritual life. I have in the past called myself one thing or another but none of those labels fit me, none of them felt right to me. I'm not in any way Wiccan and I can't even call myself a Pagan. Most people would say that I was the later but I can't use that name. It came from the Latin word Paganus which means land dweller or of the land. My beliefs come from before the invention of Latin, and before the (bloody!) Romans! So to me, personally it doesn't suit me.
 I believe that everything has a spirit, the rocks, the ground beneath our feet, the rivers and oceans, the trees and plants, the weather, the sky, hills and mountains, light and shadows, the birds and other animals. I don't call myself an Animist though, again a label that doesn't fit with me.
 I feel that I am spiritual and not religious. Religion seems to me to be a set doctrine that you need to follow, being spiritual means that I can work out my own path, find my own way to get to the same place that everyone else is heading to.

Totland- Photo taken by me-Lisa

 I also honour and respect my/our ancestors. I do ancestral work and part of that is tracing my family tree. I have now managed to go back many many generations to trace my lineage and I am very proud to be here because of them. I give them offerings, visiting their graves or burial sites where I sit and give thanks and my love to each of them. Another part of this is making sure that I respect the land and area where they are buried, removing any rubbish that has been dropped by other people. We need to tread more lightly on the land and take responsibility for these areas as well as our own. If we all did our bit this world would be a better place.
 When I visit the beaches near me along an area called 'Back of the Wight' which is the are that goes from the southern tip to pretty much the western tip of the island, I also show my respect. I have in my ancestry a vast number of mariners and a large number of them worked off of this area. Many were lifeboat men who risked their lives to save other people and a few lost their lives doing so.
 The sea is an important part of my life, I feel that I have salt water coursing through my veins. So whenever I am near it I feel alive and connected to those mariner ancestors.

Dragon Tree- photo taken by me-Lisa

 I am very lucky to live on this island where the majority of my ancestors lived. Some came from further afield such as Dorset, Wiltshire, Somerset, Devon, Cornwall, Yorkshire etc and some even further afield from other countries but mostly from here. I wouldn't feel right if I didn't honour them.
 I also believe that we all have spirit guides, whether you call them angels, teachers, guides, or if they come to you in different forms such as fae, animals, people, voices, feelings, etc. To me they come in many different forms and we can all communicate with them.
 When we create something, whether it is a meal, a garden, a painting, story or anything else I think we are connecting to our spirituality, we show our intent and at the end we (usually) have something to show for it. We put in all our love and joy into this creation and people then enjoy it.
 When I am out in nature I tend to talk to the animals I come across, even if it's a simple "Good morning" or "Hello beautiful". I take time out and watch them, noticing their mannerisms etc. I touch trees and flowers and as I've said in previous posts I also take note of the passing seasons and when what plant/animal is doing what and when. It's amazing how much you will learn by doing that even in your first year of doing so. I take photos and make note of things I see. hear, feel, smell.
 I know I have slightly drifted off of the label part but I can only really tell you what I am and there is no one word for that in my eyes other than spiritual.
 How do you class yourself? What labels do you give yourself?

Chale Beach-photo by me-Lisa

Think...think....ohhhhh look a butterfly!...ohhhhh a pretty flower!

It's such a beautiful day today, the sun is shining and there is a breeze and not a cloud in the sky. I feel that I should be being creative but my mind and eye is constantly wandering outside in the garden to gaze at the blackthorn blossom and my two cherry trees blossoming, the lovely bluebells and the swathes of celendine and dandelions adding a bright yellow to my greening garden. How can I take my mind away from that? How can I stop watching and listening to the birds all day long? I have noticed a recent new sound of a chiffchaff to the garden and surrounding hedgerows and trees, that a lovely sound that makes. And then the sounds of the buzzards circling high up in the sky riding the thermals, without a care in the world until the rooks start to divebomb them when they stray too close to the rookeries.
 There is a heron around here, sits in the top of one of the trees. I have so far only seen one but I hope there is another. I see it fairly often when I come back from my morning walks.
 Yesterday I heard 5 different woodpeckers whilst out walking, it's unusual to hear that many and to hear them on so much of my walk. I know we have a couple of pairs around here, they're often in the surrounding trees.

 Being out in nature fills my soul and cheers me up. If you ever feel low then just get out of the door and walk, not just walk but breathe and take it all in. Just let your feet do their thing but let you mind, heart and soul take it all in. Soak it up like a sponge, it does us all wonders. I wish I could get my mum to do it but I think I'm fighting a losing battle where that is concerned!
 Even if I can't get out for a walk, just sitting in my garden has its benefits, especially if I can delve my hands into the soil and plant things, just knowing something that is growing and thriving in my garden is doing so because of me planting it and caring for it is just awesome.
 Watching the passing seasons, feeling the weather change and making mental notes of when different things flower, leaf and fruit.

 The blossom on the trees remind me of spring and summer at my primary school. The front playground was more than half covered by cherry trees with pink flowers and I remember leaning against the trunks and taking it all in, watching petals fall as the breeze moves through looking like giant snowflakes.
 At primary school we also celebrated spring, we had maypole dancing with a proper maypole that was raised in a specially made hole in the playground. We would wear flowery dresses and have flower crowns. I miss that. We need to do more of that in our schools and in our communities in general...ahhhh memories

A blip day

Today is a shitty day, actually it's a lovely day, fairly warm apart from the breeze but the sun is shining and the clouds pass quickly. This morning we went to the carboot down the road which wasn't as good as it usually was, but I still managed to get a couple of outfits for my soon to be grandbaby boy.
 The garden is beginning to look beautiful with all the lovely flowers that are coming out and everything is leafing and the birds are singing...so why is this a shitty day I hear you ask? Well I'm not feeling cheery today and I'm not overly sure why, actually I know partly why but it's kinda stupid. I found out yesterday that someone unfriended me on fb. This in itself didn't bother me but the reasons that may be behind it do. I don't like upsetting people and I like to be liked, but as far as I know there hadn't been an issue with this particular person, in fact I thought we were getting on alright but there again I haven't really had much of a fb presence lately due to the whole feeling poorly thing and maybe I'm still not 100% and that's why it's getting to me but I somehow don't think so.
 I live in a small village here and I have people I talk to in passing and I talk to the neighbours over the fence and out the front but I can't say that we're best buddies or anything, not even good friends, mainly aquaintances really. I also have family members such as my ex sister in law, my cousins wife, my two cousins from NZ. The first two I do have physical contact with every so often but they are busy people and even though I love them to bits, we don't have a bunch of stuff in common. I don't have anyone near me who really understands my spiritual side that I can talk to about, other than my two cousins...did I mention they live in NZ??
 I have a few good friends online but I feel really lonely, and it's getting to me. I had loads of people I called friends before I split with my ex but he did such a good job on them that they all believed him and not me and the kids, except his best mate who later realised I was being the honest one.
 That was back in 2001 and I havent gather any real world, flesh and blood here with me now friends.
It's not like I want to be in their pockets all the time or anything but just a get together once in awhile where we can set the world to rights and where I can be open about my beliefs and they about theirs. It sucks majorly when my aging mother has a much better social life than I do! Even my dad does FFS!
  I don't know what I'm doing wrong here, am I damaged goods? Am I putting up a barrier to stop myself from getting hurt again? I don't think that I am. A few years ago I had a msn group that was island based and got to know a couple of local people but damnit they were weird! And that's not just me saying so either lol.
 I dunno what's happening but right now it's getting to me. I will get over it, I always do but right now I am wallowing...wallow wallow feckin wallow

Dream time

 For as long as I can remember I have always had very vivid and most would say odd dreams. And yes I know all dreams are odd but over the years I have discovered that I get various types of dreams. There are the regular, working through crap from the day kind of dreams and then there are my past life memory dreams where I actually travel back to my various past lives and witness little snippets of them.   
 There also my spectacular, highly detailed, sensory overload dreams, my message dreams where the powers that be are able to shut me up long enough to get something through to me. There are also warning dreams, these don’t happen very often because I normally get a strong feeling about things in the waking world. 
 Then there are my ‘name’ dreams. These are relatively new dreams to me and are the most frustrating. They are normally very quick and they latch on to the end of another dream. A name of a person, place or both will come through to me. As yet I am not sure what I am supposed to be doing with these names. Each name I get I research into it but have not managed to really find answers, though one of the first names was given was David Wilkes or Dilkes as we called him at school. I can safely say that I have not thought about this person since we were at school together. His was the only name given to me that I actually personally knew. Anyway on the day when I had been given his name (on waking) I saw a man in a van and it was David. The only other name that I kind of knew was the actress/ singer Gracie Fields. I had heard of her but didn’t really know who she was until I researched. A couple of days later there was a tv programme on about her. But that’s it, the rest of the names I have been given are a bewilderment to me. I hope I shall find out the meaning to them sooner rather than later. There are also nightmares, and yes I do have them sometimes. They are nothing like the ones I used to get and they also don't upset me as much anymore but I do get them occasionally.
 There also my chaotic dreams that right now don't feel very useful and can be more than a little irritating, in these dreams I am constantly being bombarded with lots of things, colours, people, objects, places this and that and there is so much detail in them it tends to become a bit of a blur, I am hoping that this also sorts itself out because when I have them they are exhausting and I awake feeling that I haven't slept all night.

  The last kind of dream I have only experienced once so far with my daughter. We actually shared a dream but each of us viewed the dream from a different perspective. The main parts of the dream were a confrontation with my ex at the flat where we used to live. He was at the door with a man we didn’t know. My daughter B was looking down from above like she was stood on her friend’s balcony that did in fact look over the area outside our old front door. The ex was encouraged by the man to leave and they eventually drove off in an old green car.

 Again the dream wasn’t long but the fact that we both shared it was pretty mind blowing. Maybe it will happen again in the future!

  Most of the time now I know that I am dreaming and I normally just go with the flow of the dream and see where it takes me.

 

 Now just a bit about interpreting your dreams. You may think that getting a dream interpretation book is a good idea they aren’t all that accurate for dream analysis as objects, people, colours etc in mean different things to different people. Let me explain that a bit more. I will use my usual example of a monkey (monkey minded woman here lol) Now in a dream interpretation book it would give you one blanket meaning for everyone but think about it for a minute. You may be afraid of monkeys or they may be your favourite animal, you may also have a real life memory of a monkey, an experience that you had, you may see a monkey as a symbolism for something else, you may see them as dirty animals or clever and inquisitive, or you may see and understand the deep connection with humans.

 So as you can see that one blanket interpretation really doesn’t work well. What you need to think about more is how the monkey makes you feel, what meaning it has to you. Dream symbolism is very unique to you and it is your initial thoughts and feelings that need to be looked at. I find as I am typing out my dreams, copying the rough notes that I made in my dream journal, that’s when things begin to make much more sense. You begin to ‘get it’ and you start to really see what your dreams actually mean.

 

Pic by Phoenixfen

  Keeping a dream journal or just a note pad by the side of your bed is important as is having at least a couple of pens as there is nothing worse than going to write your dream down and your pen has run out! Also a bedside lamp, torch or even a mobile phone that just provides you with enough light to see the page you’re writing on.

 Try to focus on the dream when you wake, just keep running it through your head until you begin to write it down. It is so easy to lose the dream when other thoughts begin to pop into your head and it’s incredibly frustrating when that happens.

  Eventually you will get the hang of it and you will begin to remember more and more of your dreams. I still lose dreams and I hate it but I just need to focus myself more.

 Anyway I think that is just about everything that I am going to write on this subject for now.

  I do have a separate tab at the top of my blog on dreams that I have had, so if you want to have a read then please do.

Night person or morning person?

By wonderful artist Jackie Morris (websites below)

Jackie Morris Facebook 

Jackie Morris Blog

There was a time when I would be up nearly all night, there were reasons for it which I won't go into now because well, I can't be bothered wasting my energy thinking about a shit time of my life, been there, done that.

 Whereas now I can barely get past 9pm! What can I say, I'm an old fart lol. Whether I can stay asleep is another issue though, sometimes I manage 10pm before I'm awake and heading downstairs but I'm working on improving that a tad. Mostly though I get to about 3am, 4 am would be better but yanno.

 I actually enjoy my early mornings because I am alone and I can just be me without worrying about anyone else or if the phone is going to ring if I start something. Early morning is when I feel my connection to the 'powers that be'. Early mornings are when I can create without being interupted, mornings I feel more myself than anywhen else and they keep me as sane as I possibly can be, early mornings I finally get my alone time.

 When I wake, I have to desperately think of nothing at all otherwaise that will be it and I will end up being awake all night and that sucks. But come 3am it's like they're saying "Ok you've done enough sleeping, get on and do."

 It seems weird that I was such a night owl at one point, I can't imagine being that way anymore. All those parties and bike rallies I went to over the years, I was always the one awake all night. Jeez I'm such a bloody lightweight now! Ha!

Artwork by Lisa Evans- website below

Lisa Evans-Folio

I could watch the moon all night, it's beautiful and mesmerising, also tracing the constellations in the sky and watching out for the ESS flying overhead or following the path of shooting stars and listening out for the fox calls. I do miss that but as I mentioned, there are occasions that I can still do it. But normally I read or I create and when I walk I love to watch the moon set as the sun rises.

 

All the Signs of Spring

How beautiful it is this time of year, it has to be my most favourite of seasons though each season has it's merits. I guess being born in May has something to do with my love of Spring but the swathes of flowers every where is just stunning.

Photo by me-Lisa

 Right now on my eary morning walks I am seeing a few remaining daffodils, primroses galore, Alexanders, celendines, red campion, herb robert, dog violets and the beginnings of the bluebells. Each day there is something new to see, even on my shorter walks whilst I have been recovering from being ill.
 I really miss my cliff top walks but I know that I need to not push it too hard to get there otherwise I will make things worse and it'll be worse in the long run so slowly does it. I am lucky that I live where I do. I live on the edge of a small village, to the back of me is fields to the front of me I can see the downs and we sit in this little valley on the south side of the island.

Ravens- Photo by me- Lisa

 We have ravens here, my family of ravens who have adopted me live by the cliffs so I haven't seen them much recently though where I do live so close to the sea they do venture this way once in awhile and when they see me they always detour off of their prior route to fly around me and say hello. One of them flips upside down when it comes near. Once they have said their hellos they continue on their initial route. I will get to the cliffs soo, hopefully I will get to see babies by then too.
 We also have a good few buzzards here too and on occasion I have seen one of them and a couple of the ravens sat around looking like they were having a tea party, very close together and with no aggression or anything like that. It is a sight to see!
 They are great time consumers as are the hares. This is another animal that I could watch for hours and not get bored. They are very active at this time of year with running and chasing, 'boxing' and mating. The fields near us are filled with hares and I feel very thankful that I live so close to them.
 I remember when I first started taking photos of them, all I ever managed to get was either a blur or a hare's ass as it went out of shot and scarpered off. I have been doing better with them lately though lol.

Sunrise Hare- Photo by me-Lisa

When I walk I refuel, it fills me with such wonderful energy that if I don't make it out for some reason I really notice the difference. It makes me smile, and it is better than any drug you can take. How lucky am I? How lucky am I to see these beautiful animals and flowers, the stoats, squirrels, kestrels, fieldmice. Watching the seasons change, watching the mists and fog roll in and on occasion hearing the fog horn, watching the sea in all of it's moods, feeling the winds blow in all directions, breathing in that clear, clean air and finally having my alone time. I don't get much of it and I have to say that I can get a little narked if someone comes along and ends my solitary time lol.

My cliffs- photo by me- Lisa

Who am I?

Who am I?...it is a question that I often ask myself. There have been times in my life where I feel that I have lost the person that is me, instead I am B and K's mum, I am P and B's daughter, I am everyone but the person that I truly am. I am desperately trying to claw her back, I miss her and I want to reclaim this person who is me, this person who is Lisa.
 Don't get me wrong I am very thankful for my family and my connection to it, I have learnt many lessons along the way, the good and the bad. I am not them and they are not me, we have TOTALLY different beliefs and ethics. Many times I have left my parents in tears over comments they have made about both myself and others, racial comments included. I have in the past wondered whether I actually belong to them or maybe I was dropped there by some fae or found in the cabbage patch or dropped in the wrong place by a stork desperate to finish its shift!
 One morning I sat bolt upright in bed and said out loud 'I need to do my family tree!' Well years later and I have to admit to you all, I do belong here, for whatever reason I choose this family to be placed with for this lifetime.
 So no excuses there lol, I have to accept them, flaws and all! But I don't have to let them dictate who I am in my own life, I have in the past and up to fairly recently, ok I am still doing sometimes now, I admit it. I try so hard to please people when really I'm not really sure that I like them in the first place. Before you pounce on me yes I do love my family warts and all but there are many times that no, I do not like them and I have to keep my distance for awhile. This isn't easy with my parents but I have to say that our relationship has improved over the last few years. I don't know whether it's because they are getting old and dad has dementia and mums not much better. Maybe they forget what buttons they press with me to get me upset? It's possible, I mean I know they haven't changed their views on things but at this point in life they're not going to change so maybe it's me, maybe I am just letting it wash over me and not allowing it to poison my life, or maybe my hearing has diminished and my ears are blocking it out?

unknown picture author, if you know please let me know so I can give them credit.

 Whatever the reason, I am determined to be my own person, so what if I want to have a tattoo (age 47 and never had one, partly because of what they would say) or my nose pierced, or dye my hair or have dreads, or maybe do something outrageous. Finally learn to ride a motorcycle (legally) instead of the car they keep pushing me to learn to drive. I fuck I want to be able to swear when I want instead of being told off every time I say the word bloody!! Holy shit that sounds like complete bollocks doesn't it!? LOL.
 So who AM I? I am Lisa, I am a wild warrior woman, I am a drummer, a dancer, a singer, a weaver of dreams, I am a plants woman, a writer, a photographer, an artist, an empath, a healer, a wanderer locked in, a weird monkey minded insane loon who wants to stand on the cliffs and SCREAM!! I am WOMAN, hear me ROAR!

Sooooo what to write about?

Ha! This is where I struggle sometimes, some days I ramble like a lunatic and other days I'm like duuuuh!
 So I have been thinking, and well I'm gonna be writing about my dreams (and nightmares) the seasons and making note of when things are flowering and leafing, and what each of those plants can be used for, folklore etc and also what animals I see and when and how the weather is doing.
 I'm also going to write about my spiritual path, which is as individual and unique as I am. And I'd like to work into it my visual and intuitive journalling that I have been stalling on working with for awhile now. I worked with it briefly and it's been helping me deal with things from my past so I'll carry it on.
 Ahhhhhhhh so what else?? I guess just random ramblings of a mad woman, we'll see as we go along. Probably a bit of ranting about the insanity of this world of ours and the people on it will happen fairly often lol.

So watch this space!

New beginnings

Well I am back in Blogger land! I had taken a very long break and felt like I had lost the will to live but well here I am. I thought about just carrying on with the old blog but decided that I needed to make a clean break of it and start again.
 Well for people who are new to me I guess I should introduce myself first.
 My name is Lisa, other names I have been known as since I first got on the internet all those years ago (20+ years) are Angel, AngelLisa, Celticwolfspirit, Avaloniaspirit, Wildsoulwoman to name most.
 I live on a small island off the south coast of the UK called the Isle of Wight, I was born here 47 years ago in May, yes that makes me a Taurean and yes I am stubborn and bloodyminded! I was born in the Chinese year of the Monkey which again is apt for me as I have a severe monkey mind and find it hard to focus on stuff for long before I drift off looking for butterflies or hares or ravens.
 I live in a lovely little house in the Countryside, my two beautiful grown up kids have long since moved out and leading their own lives but very glad to say they come 'home' regularly and are both here on the island too, so I am very grateful.
 I love the countryside around me, I am close to the sea...wherever I lived on the island I would be close but I am on the edges and it's my favourite place to be. I love my garden and I love growing fruit and vegetables and flowers all in amongst each other, I'm not really a person who is into straight regimental lines and I also don't often follow the 'norm'.
 I love to read, all kinds of things, fiction and non fiction and also writing and in the past I have even wrote a short childrens story which was never published. I also love to take photos, especially landscapes and old buildings and I have a facebook page with them displayed on:Wild Soul Woman Photography
Along with thost things I also enjoy I enjoy drawing, painting, collecting sea glass and driftwood, stones and shells, I do dream work (if you want to read any of my dreams they are on a tab at the top of the page. I embroider, sew, cook and bake. I am vegan and I have more than a few allergies and intolerances to various things.
 I also am working with meditation but struggle because of that whole monkey mind thing but I am determined to get there without wiggy things happening...that's a story for another day if you want to hear about it! Well I think that that may be enough of an intro for now, I don't want to bore you all!
 Lots has happened since my old blog, firstly my lovely Nan died a few weeks ago after suffering with dementia and my beautiful daughter will be making me a Nan myself at the beginning of August! I am very excited! I am very much looking forward to meeting my grandson and welcoming him to the loving arms of our family. I am looking forward to taking him places and doing things with him...introducing him to our beautiful island and the countryside around us, taking him to the sea, and the woods and to have fun in the garden and teaching him to grow things and to get his hands dirty.
 The other thing that has been going on with me is that I have been pretty ill since before Nan died, it was about 2 months of stomach pain, bloating, discomfort. I went to the doc and she had a feel around and said that I had a build up of acid. It was awful. She put me on pills (which is something I don't like doing but I was desperate!) and took them for a month, and they did nothing. I ended up going back and after some discussion about whether to send me for a camera down my throat we decided to wait another month and to double up on my pills before going down that track. She also sent me up the hospital to have some blood tests done, including one for cancer.
 A day or so later I had a thought pop into my head, I realised that I had started drinking nettle tea on a very regular basis and this started just before I started getting ill. I decided to research and found that nettle tea can be very good for you except if you have a sensitive stomach, stomach issues etc. I just never really thought about it before but it made sense. If I ever got stung by stinging nettles in the past I would be in pain for at least 24 hours. I had always been hesitant about consuming nettles and I guess like my intolerance to coconut I should've listened to that inner voice, it would've saved me from thinking I was dying.
 Of course with being ill I haven't been able to do my regular daily walks and it's taken it's toll on my body, what with that and resorting to packaged vegan foods because I didn't feel well enough to cook from fresh, so I kinda feel like I am right back at the beginning again. Though my measurements aren't as bad as they were right back when, so that's cool.
 Well ok so I am going to wind this first post up now as the sun is shining and my garden is calling! Have a great day xx